I lied

I did, I did.  My brother left home, and I wrote here just a few days ago, that I was back on track!  Runs + bootcamp everyday + Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD + Bikram yoga + back at eating healthy.

But you know the problem about going off track?   It’s just so so hard to jump back in.  So hard.

Since then, I have attended ONE bootcamp class.  Granted, I woke up feeling like crap a couple of times (as in stay-home-from-work crap, not just lazy crap, which is how I usually feel).  Then, Karl fractured his foot, which makes it that much harder for me to go out to classes in the cold without company.  Plus, I was scared of going to it so close to my 20 miler, just in case it was leg work.  And our place is STILL a mess since my brother left (we’ve been trying to catch up with laundry, so there’s stuff EVERYWHERE), so no space for Jillian Michaels.  And no TIME for it either.

I hate being one of those people that keeps complaining about the lack of time, but damn it, I never have free time anymore.  I don’t even know where time goes.

I managed to go to one Bikram Yoga class last week.  And that’s it.  I ran home from work only once.  This week, I have yet to get a run in, though I’m scheduled for one tonight, the weather in the 60’s plus predicted heavy rain, which might mean no run (and though I would suck it up and run in the rain for training, I also can’t afford to get sick *this* close to the marathon).

And then, just when you think it can’t really be that bad, you go to a friend’s party and promptly stuff your face with a bunch of goodies that days later still make you feel fat, because, you know, you ran 20 miles that morning!  And walked 4!  You EARNED those cookies.  And chips.  And cake.  Ha!  Yeah, no.

So here I am, 59 days until my wedding (!!!), 19 days until my second (and likely final) dress fitting, and 2 pounds heavier than I was a week ago, because even running 20 miles on a Saturday morning, is not enough to undo all the bad that’s been done.

And the worst of all?  I lack motivation.  If a colleague were to stroll by while I’m typing this and offer some chocolate, I’d snatch that baby right up.  And not even feel guilty about it. That’s the worst part of it all.

How do you reclaim motivation?  Part of it is that all the hard work has meant no weight loss for months.  I worked hard this summer (though I admit, weekends I had cheat meals, but I worked HARD, damn it!), and am the same weight I was 4 months ago.  I got as much as 4lbs lower, but my brother’s visit brought all of that back up.  I know now with 2 months 59 days to go, my arms won’t be slim and toned, no matter how hard I work at it.  I can still attempt to improve.  Heck, I still want to lose 10 pounds!  (Please let me lose those 10 pounds!)  But my body won’t be slimmer, or more toned, or any different.  It’s too late for that.  I missed the boat.

I’ll be looking at my wedding pictures, staring at those flabby arms and thinking “if only I could show my toned calves under that dress” — because marathon training?  Gave me some toned calves.  (My thighs are still a jiggly mess, don’t worry.)  Do you know the one thing NO ONE can see under my dress?

Yep, those toned calves.



Filed under Bikram Yoga, Cross Training, Wedding

6 responses to “I lied

  1. ok things to note…stress causes weight gain 🙂 and it’s HIGHLY normal to weigh more after a really long run for a few days. you probably have some water weight that will come off… and most importantly at the end of the day it’s about the man at the alter and not the size of the dress

    hope the rest of your week is great!

  2. Don’t stress about how you’ll look! Like RunToTheFinish said, it will just make it worse. Seriously, I think I have said this to you before, but I was overweight at my wedding and didn’t care then or now, it was too much fun. I’m not saying you can’t lose the weight, just that in the long run, the marriage is what matters.

    And with that being said, when I lose motivation to eat healthy, I go extreme. I leave my money at home so I can’t buy snacks and distract myself by reading blogs! Ha 🙂

    • I know that the marriage is what matters! Ack, but those pictures, that’s what stays on my mind.

      I definitely don’t keep money around to buy snacks, but people at work keep bringing them! Apparently, I was born to be poor, because I cannot say “no” to free food. 😦

  3. I know you know that it’s the marriage that matters so I won’t belabor that point 🙂

    As far as motivation, I find it’s just literally mind over matter and making myself DO IT. I’ve been sick this week too and am nervous about getting out there tomorrow morning but I know that after I get over my own mental battles, I won’t regret it. I mean, for SURE some runs SUCK but I never regret them afterwards (ok, not usually!)

    I have no doubt you will look beautiful on your wedding day whether you do or don’t lose the 10 vanity pounds!

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